We all seek a sense of belonging, a feeling of connection to something, yet many go far away to find that specialness. The further away I went the lonelier and more isolated I felt. Who would dispute the decision to leave everything behind to find a better life and education, but where were the good things that enrich life at home? I don't mean to suggest that I regret the oppurtunities I was given-I thank God for them, but there are no free lunches. What I gained in possibilities was nearly outwayed by my loss of grounding. The contrast between my impoverished background and the world I was sent to was brutal. I ached of home and when I was there, it was like I finally woke up from a nightmare. I refused to let go of home. I wanted to stay true to the people like me, true to myself. As we graduates of the underclass move through the doors opened by education, too many opt to let go of who they were, and those who remind us of who we were (friends, neighbors, family) when we began that journey.

My life and love is for my children. They are beautiful, wonderful and intelligent. I am so enjoying this times with them because they're still young enough to think Mami is superwoman and can do everything they want blind-folded, with my hands tied behind my back. They filled the void that was created the day I landed on this side of the world.

My passion is for my people. My people are the ones I left behind that gloomy morning of August 28, 1990.

 

These past couple of weeks have been helacious for me. I lost a friend and a crazy fire threatened to burn my house to the ground as it ripped through my neighborhood. Luckily, I am okay and am fortunate that me and mines are safe and healthy. Some of my classmates are coming to school without books and some of my co-workers are showing up at the hospital with their kids in tow because they have no where else to go. I packed what I could and took off to Clairemont, an area that is too close to the ocean to be threatened by the fires. The fires spread rapidly with the help of 50 mile per hour dry winds. If a neighborhood wasn't burned to the ground, it was still dangerours to stay behind because of the toxic smoke that polluted the air. After my kids were safely situated, I went back to the hospital, camped out in cots and helped with the disaster. Emergency personnel and hospital staff is vital to the community in times like this. We set up nurseries, childcare, food and shelter for the people who work at the hospital and/or cannot go home.  Most of the firefighters ended up at the hospital for burns and smoke inhallation. NYPD, the Army and the National Guard came through with extra help to curb the looting.

When I finally went back home, it looked like a hurricane came through. Several palm trees were downed and the pool fence was crushed underneath one of those trees. It still smells like smoke but, I still consider myself fortunate that this fire storm had passed me by.

You made plans to move back to San Diego from Vegas. Was ready to change your life and be around your family. We made plans to get together this weekend, I was looking forward to catch up with you and have our silly girl talks. But, I didn't get to spend this weekend with you.  Didn't know it was time for you to go. I will miss you and be there for your kids. I'm still in shock. I needed to be reminded that we are not promised tomorrow and even though you finally came around to getting serious about life, you didn't have a chance to fulfill your dreams. You told me you starting going to church again. My prayer is that you said a Sinner's prayer and cried out to the Lord to made amends with Him when you had the chance. God Bless you. I love you girl, my mulatta soul sista, who always teased me that I was blacker than you cause of my NY upbringing.