B.N

Ms. Thomas

English 095

10 October 2007

My Greatest Fear/Life Story

Growing up, my family and I didn't have much. I never had the newest games or the latest sneakers, but I always had my family. For the first five years of my life my family consisted me, my mother, Jay-Jay, my sister, Rochelle, my brother, B.J., and my grandmother, "Nanna." Of course my mom had friends that we called auntie, but I never felt the real connection you get from family.

In March of 1989, two months before my sixth birthday, my grandmother passed peacefully in her sleep. On finding out that my grandmother was no longer with us, I was devastated. Even at the age of five, I knew the feeling of sorrow and pain. It felt like a big peace of my life was taken from me.

A few days' later we attended my grandmother's funeral at James Hunt Funeral Home located in Neptune . There I met the rest of my family. My grandmother had eight kids, and my mom was the third youngest. Meeting my aunts, uncles, and cousins was a real experience. These were people I can really call family. They were my real kin.

For the next year we started seeing more of my extended family. I remember asking my mom why we had not known about my aunts, uncles, and cousins until my grandmother's funeral. All I was told was that, "I was too young to understand and to be happy that we were re-united with them." I was happy, but I was also confused.

In 1990, my mom packed us up and moved us from Long Branch to Neptune . Being that we were now closer to my family, we started seeing them more often. The more time I spent with my family, the more I learned.

I had my fist experience with alcohol at the age of 10. I was following behind my older cousins. I got so drunk I couldn't make it home. I fell asleep on a bench in a park. When my mom came and got me, she didn't do anything that day. She said she wanted me sober so I could feel the beating. The next day she beat me, but she and my aunts were joking about it afterwards. They still joke about it to this day.

At the age of twelve, I started selling drugs, again following my older cousins. I lasted three years. In August of 1998, at the age of fifteen, I was arrested for possession of C.D.S., which stands for Controlled Dangerous Substance.

Being incarcerated isn't like what you see on T.V. It's not a dark and gloomy place like some of the movies. But it is bad. I don't think they can catch the real effects of jail. They can't catch the feeling of hearing the door lock behind you every time you go in the room.

No one understands what it is like being separated from the rest of the world; seeing or hearing from the rest of your family when they tell you to. And you have to watch your back 24/7. You don't know what's going on with your family in the outside world.

Which brings me to my greatest fear. It started with my first incarceration. I was afraid of losing my family. I used to think, "What if everybody just packs up and leaves without telling me. Or, God-forbid, a bad accident happens that takes my family. For eight years I lived my worst fear. I was incarcerated and away from my family. I overcame that fear for the time being, but there's always the possibility of it happening again. And that's my story, and my Greatest Fear.